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  • You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus — Mark Twain
  • Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear – kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor – with the cry of grave national emergency — General Douglas MacArthur
  • When I die I’m going to leave my body to science fiction — Steven Wright
  • I was married by a judge I should have asked for a jury — Groucho Marx
  • If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one — The law of inanimate reproduction
  • I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members — Groucho Marx
  • Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste — Wes Smith
  • Where humor is concerned there are no standards – no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will — John Kenneth Galbraith (1908-2006)
  • Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done — Andy Rooney
  • Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism — George Washington
  • The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible — George Burns
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